It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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