She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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