Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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