I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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