I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
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I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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