They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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