Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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