Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize