Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize