i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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