I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
too bad you live with your parents still
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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