I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize