And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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