there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
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Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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