I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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