Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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