apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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