you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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