my room smells like sperm. sweet.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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