Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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