foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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