I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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