I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
