If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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