why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
