Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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