Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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