So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
no, he came in my armpit
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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