At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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