the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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