new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize