sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize