remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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