how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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