Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize