I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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