matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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