I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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