im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize