I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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