Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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