can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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