the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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