I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
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And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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