I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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