Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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