i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize