Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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