dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize