Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize